I Remember

© Robin Easton – All Rights Reserved

Tenderness Alights

I REMEMBER

You sat beside me,
clinging to life
only weeks left to live
yet more alive than ever

I listened as you tried to make sense of life…
and death
Your eyes beautiful and sad
as you tried to embrace your feelings

I followed a trail of tears down your face
You asked, "Am I rationalizing...
to think that true happiness comes from simple things?
Should I have done more with my life?
Or, is life really about the simple things?"

My heart tugged with tenderness
as I my hand touched yours
You clung to my fingers
and eagerly leaned forward
Your eyes pleading with mine
hoping for understanding
compassion
something wise
that might offer peace

I softly spoke through tears
and my own vulnerable hear.
"No, you’re not rationalizing.
Simple things are the pure essence...
of who we are.
I think the best of us is found in simple things...
like this moment
right now,
just you and me."

You sighed a deep shuddering breath
and broke down
Your face cradled in strong hands
you cried…
as if for a thousand years
I slowly reached out
pulled you toward me
Forehead to forehead
we cried together

I wanted to hold you
heart and soul
gently within my own heart
I yearned to keep you safe
forever untouched by death

But one day the phone rang
and you were gone in the night

My grieving was a solitary thing
wandering mountainsides for hours
still feeling you
with me

You always encouraged me
and loved my free wild spirit
You once ask me,
"How can one scrawny woman
be so beautiful
and so damned tough."

I felt so proud of myself…
to be seen by you
You didn’t know that I loved you…
for seeing and valuing
my inner strength.
I loved you for letting me see you
something you let so few see

Days later
after you were gone
your question floated through my mind
"Does happiness come from simple things?"

I never got to share with you
my list of 'simple things'
that you asked me to write
We ran out of time
you and I
and our simple things

So, dear friend
I share my simple things now
I pray you will hear my heart
as I travel back through the years of my own life
and ponder all I hold dear
my most poignant and meaningful memories
the things that came quickly to mind
the simplest of things
that still linger
in my heart

After you left this Earth
I talked with you there on the mountain
I told you all the things I remembered
the things that keep my soul alive

I told you how I hardly remember the times I had money
the times I owned a huge house
a fancy truck
a motorcycle
a camper
a tractor
and vast acres of land
That’s a meaningless blur
All gone now

But I clearly remember a child in love
with Maine's summer days
flat on my back engulfed in the heady scent of freshly cut grass
blissful, timeless moments
as I drifted across blue sky
billowing with towering white clouds

I remember catching tiny salamanders
hidden under rocks in Ledge Brook
then letting them go minutes later
so they would not die

I remember hot August nights
fireflies blinked and glowed
tiny lights of passion
My heart ached from such beauty
beauty so exquisite
I wanted to die to this world
…fly away on wings of light

I remember the day
Dad and I climbed Streaked Mountain
only the two of us
In silence we stood side-by-side
on that mountain top
Pink sun faded to luminous gray
and still we stood
Dad Me and the Mountain

I remember kinder moments with Mom
intensely precious moments
held close like sacred jewels
Kindness did not easily come to my mother
Yet even through her pain she was full of life's beauty
in love with nature's most intimate details
always eager to point them out…
to me

I remember walking barefoot with Mom
in rain-clean grass
her smile radiant with awe and wonder
My heart burst that day
Mom was happy
such a rare joy
She was happy
So I too could be happy
an unforgettable moment of connection
Love

I remember swimming
in Lake Pennesseewassee
for hours on end
laughing
my sister and four brothers
Sun warmed skin and sparkling water
course through my veins
decades later

I remember fall days with brilliant leaves,
fluorescent orange
flame red
and glowing yellow
colors my soul became
Dry leaves crunched underfoot as I walked to school
Books and desk awaited
I shrank back
lingered and lingered
Maybe the leaves would absorb me
and I too could blow away on cool autumn wind
a far more noble pursuit than school

I remember the first single snowflake I ever saw
Only four years had I been on Planet Earth
This single flake was a momentous discovery
My eyes could see back then
the intricate pattern of miracles
woven together in crystalline form
by the soul of God

I remember a father who gently taught me
how to use a bow and arrow
how to paddle a canoe for miles
and never once take my paddle from the water
I remember the exotic scent of waterlilies
My canoe glided amongst them in the marsh
I died in Heaven’s arms those summer days
I remember when Dad taught me
how to recognize star-flower root
wintergreen berry
and other wild edibles...
just in case I had to survive
The most important lesson of all
Dad taught me how to face fear

I remember making peace with my mother
forty years after I left her womb
Our tears of love ran together just in time…
before she too left this world
Yes we understood each other
All forgiven

I remember my first real love
as I slipped through the gates of Heaven
for a time…
until he became ill and his pain set in
lost to me in another reality
But still
I remember
unforgettable passion
and love
I will never forget

I remember time alone
in an ancient virgin forest
giant trees
colorful birds
pounding rain
and only life
in front of me
Nowhere to go,
only to be
me.

I remember our gnarled old apple trees
bursting into ecstatic pink bloom
sturdy trees I climbed a hundred times
I remember tossing whirligig seedpods from maple trees
high into the air and watching them twirl to the ground
like tiny magical helicopters
I remember unexpected warm smiles
from those I loved
Still they kiss my soul

I remember the smell of snow coming soon
I remember summer's lush garden
sun-warmed Earth beneath bare feet
robin's first spring song

Yes, dear friend
I remember, most…
and maybe only
the simple things
like my sacred time with you.

(c) Robin Easton